I had a really good portfolio review a few months back, it really made me feel great but also horrible at the same time. Basically the guy who gave me a review told me I should be aiming to make 50,00 grand a year. He was like you very easily could. I panicked at the thought. Im not one of those artist that doesn’t believe in themselves. But 50,000 grand a year was like oh shit why didn’t I see that in myself? Ive only come close to that amount one year. Every year after that has been ehhh. Especially the last two years. Ive been making stuff but trying to get more organized and really focus on doing the work but it’s always something else. Something else pops up. I don’t know how to explain it but I kinda went nuts. I was and still am in the middle of a grueling comic project that I wish would just end. Luckily the drawing part of it is over and if im asked to redraw or touch anything up im honestly tempted to just say fuck it and not respond. Which is not good. I hate that during the middle of this project I realized I hated it. It’s been some weird shit the entire time. Just a weird untrusting vibe the entire time. Something that my mother suffers from. This untrust of the world. It’s a sickness and im starting to see it grow inside of me. I have to fight it. I’ve also recently realized Ive been a spoiled brat my entire career. Ive never had to really reach out to people for work. In fact every time ive done that ive never received any work. Ive always had every good opportunity come to me. But the last two years that has stopped. Nobody is knocking for the first time and im 34. It’s kinda like when the trust fund runs dry and you’re like fuck I didn’t save anything, how do I get more back into it? How do I fix this problem? How do I be a professional illustrator? Who the fuck am I? The last few months have been a whirl wind of that. Mostly who the fuck am I? And what do I see myself doing for the rest of my life. Obviously I want to keep getting better at drawing and making comics but I need to figure out the financial side of this. I can’t be 35 wondering when the next check is coming in. I gotta smarten up and ive been trying to do just that. I think im on a good path. I gotta reach out to more people and present myself to the world better.