Day 5

OK so day 5 originally got deleted some how, 

Apparently I’ve become Computer illiterate now. Like what the fuck is web files? Like when did it become so hard to download jpegs from google? What the fuck is happening?

I guess this is my second change to narrow down what happened today. 

Not much woke up super late again. 1030 this time. Freaked out because I thought I over slept and missed an important meeting with Philly artblog but its actually tomorrow or today as I’m writing this at 2 in the morning. Fuck 

I hate everything right now. My computer is acting up and I can’t wait to get this thing replaced. I don’t want to say its a piece of shit because its lasted so long but my other one died so this is all I have left besides my iPad. I know. First world problems. I feel ashamed that I even typed all of that but non the less a problem is a problem and an annoyance is annoyance. 

Anyway I ordered a bacon and cheese bagel today and my buddy brought me out a bacon egg and cheese bagel. Don’t worry I’m not gonna complain. I literally can’t eat eggs without violently vomiting. Its horrible because I love breakfast, and the most important part of breakfast is the fucking egg. Its the perfect balance of nutrition. But my guts can’t take it. It pained me so much to have to slide this beautiful egg my buddy whipped up. It was fluffy and over hard but still had life to it. It probably would’ve oozed just the right amount of yolk if I had bitten into it. But nah had to hard pass. 

what else is new. ill type it more tomorrow.

Day 4

sleep schedule has been all fucked up. been going to sleep at 4 am and waking up at 10 am. still getting 6 hours but Jesus Christ. This is not my best by any means. Ugh. I gotta get it together and stop working so late. Ill make this quick.

Banks are apparently closing. Sometimes I’ll listen to democracy now while drawing and think about how pointless everything is when the world is literally crumbling all around us. I’m safe and tucked away in a studio apartment surrounded by art supplies and mad because the world is ignoring my art. of course its ignoring me. THERE IS REAL SHIT HAPPENING.

fuck. Fuck democracy now. its so fucking depressing. but Im hoping to stay somewhat informed. instead of just watching anime and weird love shows.

anyywho today I painted for the first time in a few days. this blog will now have pictures! below is a personal samus piece I am working on. Honestly just for shits and giggles.

Here is a closer shot. This is just water color. We’ll see where this goes. my plan is to finish it super slowly. the only annoying thing is that I didnt really plan this piece out. I just started drawing and then this came out. I did look at references to the trees but didnt stick to them at all. Its a really bad fucking habit I have of just diving into a piece head first and hoping for the best. Everything I DO IN LIFE IS ON A HOPE TO HOPE BASIS.

I’m also inking page 6 of some new Urges story. here’s a snap shot below.

pretty happy with this page.

What else is there to say? I was going to work out but as soon as i went to the garage i realized my girlfriend drove and then i tried to call a lyft but they were super expensive. fuck maybe i shouldve went but its what ever. The Banks are literally on fire. Well its a good thing I dont have that much money anyway. see ya tomorrow

day 3

How was my day? It was pretty good actually. It got off to a rough start as I woke up at 8 then went back to sleep until 1030. I finally rose out of bed after a long spell of reading about various topics my phone sprang on me. Topics like DLC for a pokemon game I’ll probably never play. I rolled out of bed and made twice steeped tea after a buddy of mine told me it was how you get a better taste out of the bag. It Probably would ring more true if I used quality tea. Right now I am sipping on trader joe’s green tea. Caffeine to me is the greatest drug ever created. I am a frequent and obedient user of its magic and everyday is turned in to a swirling journey of happiness and anxiety. Existential dread combined with antsy horniness. Thoughts that run a mile a minute, to fast to catch but slow enough to make an impact. Life without it which I’m sure I will eventually have to deal with will be boring, monotonous and just shitty.

The tea was brewed and I began to do a new morning ritual warm up. 5 minutes of 30 second back to back work outs designed to get my body moving.

Being an avid youtube consumer I played a ton of videos today. Mostly about mind set.

I think I am stuck in the middle of growth and set mind state. I know that I will get better if I keep doing things and thats generally my motivator. I take criticism pretty well, I don’t get discouraged that easily, SO I guess I fit in the growth category. But another problem I have is wanting more. Always wanting more but then getting caught up in how I’m going to do more and then I hit a road block where I am literally doing nothing but thinking about what I should be doing. It’s a horrible cycle that may or may not be brought on by the caffeine.

I finally got started drawing and I began by drawing faces at 3/4 view. I successfully finished a page of side view shots of a woman talking and it gave me the idea of staying on a task when I am studying. Ive been trying to draw more women faces and the first study session was so wild and all over the place. I drew faces at random angles mostly only once and wasn’t able to build off what I was learning. by dedicating a page of my sketch book to one angle of the face I feel I am actually understanding the face. unfortunately these first 4 faces at this angle came out horribly but the last one looked pretty good and I am excited to see where the experiment is going to go.

I also inked page 5 of my new comic and did it live on twitch. Ill probably do it again tomorrow just to stay in the groove as i suspect this week will be the last week ill have to be fully immersed in this project. its been slow but steady since its future is unknown. perhaps we’ll do a kickstarter for it, or an indiegogo. its so fucking hard to get the word out about anything these days with out getting buried but what ever. Ill just be annoying and who ever is left means they really want to hear from me.

I shouldn’t fear pushing people away. this whole number game is bullshit anyway.

After finishing most of pg 5 on the stream I headed off to go coach at the gym. The session was with one student who had prior boxing training which is always great because you can skip alot and just get right to teaching knees and kicks and then eventually hitting pads. He was a pretty quick learner and I hope he actually signs up and sticks with it. I think he would be an awesome heavy weight fighter. After that I did class which was technical clinching and sparring. Another great session where we learned to set up knees while someone is trying to punch us.

I was beat as I must admit i am not in the greatest shape anymore. after my last fight in august of last year i really fell out of love with competing and working out all the time. that combined with a repeated eye injury really made me rethink muay thai and my life in general. Im still here though just trying to find a new path with it instead of reigniting some flame. its hard to look at other people that are competing and fighting and not want to sign up for a fight just to prove how good at this I am. I feel bad about myself when i look at the bravery someone has to step back in the ring which is something I just dont have at the moment. It comes back every now and then but I’m just like whats the point of doing that shit for me personally. I want to be a comic book artist and illustrator not an amateur fighter. I just want to stay in shape and stay strong. never say never about fighting, but i think i need to further commit to one thing and at the moment being a fighter is not it.

maybe some day ill compete again. anyway i had a nother little bit of the last panel to ink so i inked that while listening to more mind set lectures. Check this out.

Its pretty good but a lil dronish. Is that even a word? I don’t care I do need to figure out my new comic I wanna start after Urges is finished. Tomorrow I plan working on a commission I have to do, stopping by sipping turtle to grab some books, maybe working there for a few hours, coming home and putting pencil to paper on page 6.

Day 2

so today was fine, woke up super late again, ugh. but in my defense I streamed for 4 hours the night before. It was surprisingly a good stream, we got raided and our final view count was like 78 or something. I’ve been using twitch to stream now for the last 3 years and its been very cool and very challenging. on one hand it has helped me get closer to drawing the things I want to draw. its forced me to finish things like fan art and it has given me the confidence to talk and draw at the same time.

the bad part is the allure of becoming popular on it. Every new follower could be a subscriber and every subscriber could be someone who buys art or supports my new zine. To take it to that next level would be very challenging and it would become my job and that combined with my buddy who i share the channel with having a child killed the momentum we were building on that platform. I am freelance. so im always in need of money especially nowadays so that idea of doing a stream a few times a week for free and then getting nothing really out of it except really low advertising money is annoying. but while typing this I remembered something. Using twitch helped me get a lot of fun drawing done. yes those fun drawings didnt turn into sales but they turned into a lot of drawings being made on the fly. I always have to remind myself that if i didnt have twitch id have a bunch of half finished fan art drawings or unfinished personal work laying around my studio. twitch really helped me level up and become more confident. mainly because people are watching me as I draw. I have to figure out the task at hand live. For the most part I try to come in with something prepared before hand, as penciling live is not very fun. Penciling is one of those things that takes an ungodly amount of energy and concentration. trying to talk about whats bothering me or trying to be funny while doing that is next to impossible but ive somehow managed to do it quite often. Hell sometimes I’ll even take request and do a full on drawing from start to finish on the streams.

Its a pretty neat trick to have in my sleeve and its something i dont want to stop doing but i wish it was a little more fruitful. Besides getting work done I wish i was better at cultivating an audience that would get behind me and support what I do, and sometimes I am so mad that more people aren’t doing that. But then I take a look at my instagram and im literally just posting images. just giving an image away. I should post an image that is for sale or is a part of something. maybe that will help rally an audience.

Currently mine is in shambles. But I think I am finally understanding the use of instagram and social medias in general. you cant just have a throw away post. sometimes it works sure. like random post have gotten me gigs cause they see that i can draw. but it somehow needs to be more focused.

Anyway. my day was decent. Woke up super late, went to this little sandwich shop down the street from me called the dil pickle. I got a corn beef sandwich with a can of squirt. it was delicious. Probably the best tasting marble rye i’ve ever encountered, with corned beef hash that was piled high. mustard and sautéed onions. it was a great breakfast to eat up the alcohol i had the night before. after that we drove to this chocolate place in wicker park. I got a s’more treat which was insane and the smoothest coffee i’ve ever tasted. drove home got to work. i’ve decided to keep my phone out of the studio now as i already have a laptop and Ipad that are distracting enough. the phone sucked me in like a fortex but i got some more shit done on a page i was working on, i didnt get a chance to ink it though which I should’ve done but what ever. I’ll finish it tomorrow.

check out this book summary

Day 1

So I am starting a blog, hopefully I can do it daily.

So what’s up? Nothing much today was an interesting day to say the least. I recently began coaching at a Muay Thai gym I attend. It’s hard teaching people something that you just naturally do. I don’t want to sound like I am a very skilled Muay thai practitioner but I’m good. I’ve had 4 fights and two smokers. My record is what ever. But I mostly do it because it can be fun and exciting. It’s a weird love and hate kind of thing with Muay Thai but I much prefer it to just going to the gym and doing weird shit or running around my neighborhood. Anyway I taught my first adult class and it went pretty well. No complaints, but the anxiety of having to teach really got to me. Also I taught on fridays and fridays is hard sparring day which is something i use to look forward to but no longer do.

I use to think it was so cool to see how hard of a punch or a kick i could take, or how many rounds i could go with out stopping. The more damage I took the more I felt like a bad ass. At the time I was still competing so any damage taken here was something that I wouldn’t fear if it happened to me in the ring. Now that I’m no longer interested in competing I’m also not interested in taking damage. I no longer seek that thrill. Don’t get me wrong its still there. It’s still inside of me, but I’m also just like, what’s the fucking point of all this now. Anywho when I’m there on days when sparring is happening and I’m not sparring it feels like your in time out. Everyone’s looking at you like why aren’t you playing with us. Oh i dont feel like it. There like ew dude, i dont want you spreading that nonchalant ness to me. This could all be in my head. I still like sparring but I’m just not hungry to prove myself anymore which has kinda thrown everything off. I just want to have fun I don’t wanna push myself to the limit any more. Anyway my girlfriend came and picked me up and for some odd reason my anxiety was pumping hard. We took some breathes and she said lets go get some pizza since she caught a baby today at work and I successfully lead my first class.

We went to paulie gee’s which is a pretty sweet Detroit style pizza spot in Logan square. We get there and somehow find a parking spot on Milwaukee ave which is usually a no mans land for spots especially on a friday night. When we walk in we are greeted by the bar tender who i met a few months ago when i went to go place an order for pick up. I started talking to girls and soon after shots were being provided and i was eating my Togo order at the bar with them. It was nuts. Nice platonic swap of numbers and new friends were made.

Anyway he’s there and as soon as we get there he’s like dude i know your face and im like yeah i was here with that Asian girl awhile ago who im pretty sure was aggressively hitting on you and he was like yep I remember you. What shot are we doing? My girl says whiskey please and down the pipe the shots went. We followed that up with a cider for me and a Manhattan for my lady.

The anxiety melted away instantly. I love drinking. Not getting drunk per say but just like getting a nice buzz. All your problems melt away, the room moves, you talk openly, you ponder and listen to what people say. You loosen up. I love it. It’s a feeling I’ve really come into since moving to chicago.

We eat some awesome pizza, perhaps next time ill take a snap shot of it. But it was this sweet and savory Detroit style pizza with ricotta, mozzarella, maple syrup i think and pepperoni. We each got three slices and proceeded to wolf them down with the quickness. I also forgot to mention the amazing salad we got before hand. A house salad covered in hard salami and speck? Or like the cheap equivalent of speck. Doused with balsamic vinegar. It was the perfect mixture of sweet sour and green and hardy meats.

Afterwards we both realized we were pretty close to being to buzzed to drive and it was snow raining. Drinks were on the house and we gave our man a nice big ole tip then sashayed out of there. Just to make sure we could still drive we did a quick walk to the local target. I walked straight to the pokemon aisle and looked at what they had to offer. Luckily i have enough pokemon cards to last a century but the thought of pulling a sweet holograph is still to powerful to pass up. But not now there’s so many i dont even know which pokemon id want to pull out of a pack. We turned our focus to midnight snacks. I guess Easter is on the horizon so i grabbed a solid white chocolate rabbit and my lady grabbed a bag of nerds eggs and malted eggs. We paid and got to the car where i was pretty sure i was good to drive.

The next day i woke up super late. Every since i got back from philly I’ve been waking up at like 10 and not getting out of bed until 11 some days. It’s pretty fucked. I hate it. I might be slightly depressed. Then i remembered oh yeah I’ve been drinking the night before which is why im waking up with the blues. I also remembered that i did manage to get some inking down on page 4 of the new comic im working on proving to myself that i am still a responsible illustrator.

I got out of bed eventually and it felt like i had been hit by a ton of bricks. I told myself fuck this im going to sipping turtle and im gonna work on an info comic about how i need to sell 13 pieces so i can but a new laptop. I biked to the cafe and immediately ordered a Bahnmi, oolong tea, and rocky road brownie. The Bahn mi’s at this place are good tasting but they are hardly authentic Bahn mi’s which bum me out because the owners are clearly Vietnamese. I think this sets a bad precedent because in philly a Bahn mi is a meal. It’s a celebration. It’s a hoagie. It’s large and in charge. The Bahn mi here is small and ironic and meant for hipster mouths. Taste wise its really good. I usually get the teriyaki beef. All the other meat options are kinda silly. There are no pickled vegetables or bbq pork options. But like i said taste wise it still hits. The Oolong tea is good as well. It’s sweet and toasty tasting. Goes down smooth and doesn’t call for a sweetener but if one is added it only enhances the flavors.

I hung out here from 1pm to 6pm. During that time I drew a few panels of the comic that will hopefully entice people to buy some art so i can get a new computer. Although I am really trying not to totally believe 13 people will spend a $100 dollars each on me. Best to keep my hopes nice and low but it would be nice. Then i moved on to drawing some faces. Something I’ve been trying to work on getting better at. I drew about 7 girls faces in profile view. An easy task i know but good to practice.

After that i came home, made some rib eye steaks. Usually when im seasoning the steaks i sprinkle salt and pepper on to the meat, but lately there have been spots on that tasted seasoned and spots that tasted unseasoned which lead to an inconsistent taste. This time i decided to sprinkle and rub the seasoning on. I accidentally added way to much salt and i feared for my poor arteries. God please help my future self. The steaks came out tasting great but god damn you could really taste that salt.

I also sautéed some onions, whipped up some mashed potatoes, and then sautéed some asparagus. We drank white wine and watched some French show about hacking and Syria. Oh i also gave thanos my cat some raw steak since she started eating one of the steaks when i had my back turned. I think she liked it but i fear the rush of blood and raw meat might make her primal.

After that it was time to stream. I try to stream 2 - 3 times a week. The stream went well. I mostly talked about dumb shit like watching Jeepers creepers and the Jon jones fight and how yes he was smart to wrestle and choke Cyril Gane out but it would’ve been so much cooler to see his new striking. Whatever its about whose the smarter fighter not the cooler fighter. I started penciling page 5 on the stream hopping to get it penciled and inked but i got caught up on panel 4. It’s still blank as i type this but the rest of the page is done.

Tomorrow i will ink it up. I still need to finish the pencils for a commission. And i need to respond to an email about some more commissions. So yeah good day i guess. Gonna drink some wine and try to absorb some visual goods. Im also transitioning into making this a comic year. I want to do more comics this year. I think im going to start a smaller comic and do it on 8.5.x 11 paper like a manga.

See ya